Drinks First?

So my computer needs a tattoo. Actually, my motherboard needs a tattoo. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried, right? My home machine has been out of commission for almost a month now, and thanks to my extended warranty, I have faith that it will be up and running again soon.

But a tattoo? What’s the protocol for getting your motherboard a tattoo? Does it need a wild night out with the hard drives, the CPUs and the memory to sustain enough libations and pressure to encourage it? Will the external hard drive keep the photos of this inky moment in time forever as blackmail? Will the RAM even remember telling the motherboard “Aww, come on, it doesn’t hurt!”

I mean, we’re talking a motherboard. What will the kids think of mom getting a tattoo?

And what about me? I’m a “to each his own” kind of girl but have never seen the allure of getting a tattoo personally. I grew up around a military base, where lots of leathernecks sported tats, but in a generation where “Miami ink” meant buying a cool pen at the beach. Now I’ll have a tattooed wonder inside my home office. I’ll have to hide this from the tween.

I picture this tattoo as a red heart, or maybe a rose with “Mother” inscribed upon it. The kind of tattoo that Popeye the Sailor Man would have picked to show his love for Olive Oyl.

When my new tattooed motherboard arrives in the next few days, I hope it lasts inside my computer the way an actual tattoo lasts upon your skin. Permanently.

Image from protectorr’s photostream on Flickr.

Dan, Dan, Dan. WHEN will you learn?

So Dan Rather is suing CBS for $70 million dollars. $20 million for making him a scapegoat for the President Bush report 2 years ago and $50 million in punitive damages. My hubby was saying “What, it took him 2 years to figure out how to sue?”

But I think it’s because Katie Couric (grimace. Sorry, can’t stand her.) is failing spectacularly at anchoring the CBS evening news. I have many opinions why it’s not working, but I’ll stick with she’s too used to mornings and evening news is entirely different. Take it from me who worked 19 years in broadcast news.

You see, if Katie had better ratings, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. She’s better! The network is making money! But for them to force him out one year before his big anniversary of taking over the anchor chair for someone who’s ratings are tanking worse than his, then obviously it was a conspiracy and he should be compensated for the way he was treated.

The way he was treated? I always heard that Dan ran the ship at CBS and if Dan didn’t like you, you might as well turn in your microphone and hairspray and head back to a Top 50 market, or better yet, try for a cable network.

I don’t have anything against Dan. Despite working for various CBS affiliates where I sort of HAD to watch the CBS evening news, he never bothered me. Except on election night. I really rather preferred Peter Jennings, truth be told, after working for an ABC affiliate, but I grew up watching Tom Brokaw and really liked him too. So pretty much, I could watch any of them, but would rank them Peter, Tom and Dan if I had to.

While the Bush story debacle “ruined” Dan’s legacy of reporting and doing the tough stories and being the anchor who left the desk to report live from the field, I hardly think a $70 million dollar lawsuit will

A) Solve anything
B) Make Dan feel any better about being forced to resign

What if CBS took that $70 million and spread it around the smallest 50 markets, where their gear is held together by duct tape, where the fledgling reporters are buying their on-air clothes at Target and sharing tiny little apartments with multiple roommates because they’re making what’s basically minimum wage, where there’s no one to teach you how to write to video or how to handle a tough situation with the cops who don’t want you to shoot the crime scene? Those kids are straight out of school and there’s no one showing them the ropes.

Which is too bad because the larger markets are desperate for reporters and producers and throwing barely capable men and women in over their heads into a news cycle that’s 24 hours, with a deadline every 5 minutes, where there’s no time to THINK about the right thing, you just have to KNOW it, but oh yeah, there’s no one TRAINED here, so there are mistakes everywhere and stories that shouldn’t air … oops, just like yours, Dan. Stories that aren’t researched by people without enough experience.

Dan, now THAT would be a legacy.

Famous People I Have Met

My schoolager and I like to listen to the 13 Going On 30 soundtrack on our way to school in the mornings. One of her favorites is Vanilla Ice’s Ice, Ice Baby. I was telling her the song was popular in the 90s when I was a TV reporter, and that I actually met Vanilla Ice.

“No way! What was he like?”

Well, we were on our way back to the station from another story when we got called over the two-way radio and told to go to the movie studios in Wilmington, NC. Some guy had a hit record and there was a party for him. Turns out it was Vanilla Ice. None of us knew who he was. Rap wasn’t a big deal in Wilmington, NC. Turns out also, no one knew him yet or the song because it had only been out two weeks, but it was making some historic climb up the charts for the record company and he was turning 21 so they were throwing him a party. My photog set up his camera, lit the interview and I asked Robbie van Winkle (Vanilla Ice) how he felt about his song climbing up the charts so fast. You can watch the video on YouTube.

He rapped his answer. At least I’m pretty sure he did. Since Mr. Ice was 21, he’d been celebrating with some adult beverages, so the rap was all slurry. Anyway, he seemed arrogant and drunk, and unintelligable. Back at the station I cut some of his interview together so we had a soundbite we could use. It aired.

And why was he in Wilmington, NC? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, baby! My daughter is so impressed with me.

A partial list of other famous people I have met:
Harry Smith, currently with CBS morning show. Interviewed me in Wilmington the morning after Hurriane Hugo cuz I was standing on the beach reporting when it hit. I saw ball lightning. But that’s another post. For another day. My relatives in Boston happened to see it that morning.

Anthony LaPaglia, who was playing a dead guy in a movie that my friend Stephanie O. was working on.

Dennis Hopper. There was something scary about him.

Melissa Etheridge. She was amazing. And I decided NOT to ask her the big question about being a lesbian because it was news at least a year or two old, and I would rather talk about her music than who she was dating. For this my news anchor congratulated me for being discerning while my executive producer was disappointed.

Daniel Roebuck. I interviewed him a few times when he was doing Matlock. Never did get to meet Andy Griffith, although I also interviewed the actress who played his daughter or something and I judged a local beauty pageant with her.

Jimmy Buffett. I am 99% sure of it, being a major parrothead. There’s a story that goes with this one. But that’s another post for another day.

A Partial List of Famous People I have seen in person, but not quite met or touched:
Bill Clinton
Nicholas Cage
Julia Roberts
Julia Roberts With Keifer Sutherland
Rue McClanahan
Judge Reinhold
Ricky Shroeder (I did get to hear his horrible pretend Southern accent for the movie he was working on. I can’t erase the shrillness.)